Once upon a time, in a land far far away there lived a man made of cabbage and who had a carrot for a nose. But he was by far the least extraordinary feature of this landscape for it was a place of wonders many fold where unicorns shat live crabs out of their anus made of gold on a daily basis!
But today was going to be a special day, cabbage man knew, for not only had a unicorn shat a golden crab out it's anus at him at the very break of dawn, for they made the most excellent of alarm clocks, it had also vomited up mashed potatoes for his breakfast and it's not every day the cabbage man got to eat mashed potatoes!
So he got to getting dressed, as cabbage man are wont to do before they leave their abodes, lest the ladies of broccoli felt faint at the sight of the cabbage's man huge carrot nose clothed in nothing but nakedness. On went his shirt, made of the finest rabbit fleece, and then on came his pants, made only of the richest and stickiest fertiliser. He gave himself a look in the mirror and he was not altogether certain whether he was faintly aroused by his reflection or merely still queasy from his breakfast, as mashed potatoes did have that one flaw of upsetting his stomach no matter how delicious the taste.
He slid down the railing on his staircase all the way to the bottom of his little cottage made of clay, picked up the hat made of hemp that was most conveniently stashed beside the exit of his house and opened the door to greet his day with unabashed joy.
No sooner did he open his door did a giant hand clasp around his frail body, crushing the very fibres of his body and soon he felt his body flung forward and upwards in the hand's grasp but even this small comfort of being in a firm grasp would not last and soon he was free falling into a giant cave, lined with white pearls and something that looked strangely like a disembodied lady's private part except it lashed violently as he came closer.
He didn't really have time to ponder much after that because he got eaten.
The moral of this story is that you shouldn't expect too much just because unicorns are dicking around with you, they're a bunch of cunts who think that because they have a phallic image on their head they're all that.
Yes Kren, you're welcome for that tale.